You know you might be spending too much time as “Mom” when:
1. You begin using stockings to store onions rather than to entice the opposite sex.
2. Your vibrator has it’s own side of the bed.
3. You actually use your vibrator to massage your own back.
4. Your underwear is older than your oldest child.
5. You think Taco Bell is a 5-star restaurant, and they call you by name when you drive-through.
6. All your bras are white, and actually comfortable.
7. You use your dust-ridden stiletto pumps to hammer nails and kill bugs.
8. You shave your legs only in the summer.
9. You think a baseball cap as an accessory looks cute … all the time.
10. You carry carrots and crackers in your Gucci bag.
11. You put spit on your finger and try to wipe the sides of the mouths of all the men you meet.
12. An exciting evening is not having to bathe the dog.
13. Your mother is your favorite person to call.
14. When someone suggests you get a waxing you think it’s to hire someone to dust your home.
15. All your lotions, shampoos and soaps smell like a doctor’s office rather than rose petals.
16. All you have to talk about is your children’s laundry.
17. You think pole dancing is something lumberjacks do.
18. You like to hang out with your mother on Saturday nights.
19. Your father finds you sensible.
20. You carry wet-wipes and actually use them.
Holy shi* I think I’m officially a chronic Mom.
Where’s my glass of wine … and Kleenex?
Until next time-
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