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Why Cell Phones Are Better Than Bullhorns For Getting Attention

Ever reach for something above you in the closet, only to have the entire top shelf attempt to come down upon your head?  You yell for anyone in your family, “Help! Anyone – I need help!”  and it appears your family has suddenly disappeared through a black hole, even though you know one member is in front of the TV, one is in the kitchen and another is listening to music in a bedroom.  Why won’t they rush to your aide in your time of desperation?

Easy, you don’t have a phone pinned to your ear.

Ever ask a family member for help moving a piece of furniture and suddenly they have to take a 30 minute respite in the bathroom?  What, are they watching it?  Or fix an amazing dinner only to yell five times to get anyone to acknowledge that you still do eat dinner around that thing called, “the dining room table”.

My friends, it’s not you; it’s that you don’t have some sort of phone placed at your ear.

Ever want your children to gather around you and listen intently to your great story about what happened that day, and they seem to want to run from you as if you are about to puke peas?  Or how about wanting to discuss something that is troubling you with your husband, and watch him suddenly need to mow the lawn with his Ipod turned to ‘so-loud-I-can’t-hear-the-house-burn-down-let-alone-you’ volume in the dark?

Again, it is really quite simple.  You don’t have a phone pressed to your ear.

I submit for your review what happens when you are alone in any part of the house, so completely ignored that you think your family has left for China.  Your phone rings.  It’s for you.  It’s your best [insert friend, Mom, boss, Aunt, work mate, phone-sex buddy here] dying to tell you some news you have been waiting to hear.  You find a comfortable place, sit down, lay down (whatever). You are about to have a conversation.

“Hi [insert you]”

“How are you?”

“I’m great, what’s up?”

“I’ve got some news.  You know that contagious disease I thought I had…well it’s…”

Suddenly, three to a hundred people rush the room (everyone you have been trying to speak with over the past 50 years)  and stand glued to you, tugging at you, “Mom do you know where..”, “Honey have you seen…”, “I’m hungry…”, “Can you drive me to…?”, “Do you remember where…?”

The dog even barks at you.

“Uh, hang on a sec [inset person, people, tribe here] is asking me something.”

The I-am-ON-THE-PHONE eyeball stare does no good, as they just think you are doing some anti-wrinkle eye muscle exercise and ignore you, all the while staring, waiting for an answer.

You see, you have placed a phone to your ear.

Don’t you understand that is the universal language to those living with and around you to bug you immediately?  It doesn’t matter if they haven’t talked to you for a week; you pick up a phone and suddenly you’re more popular than Warren Buffett handing out hundred dollar bills in Times Square.

“How long are you going to be on the phone?” one of them asks in that irritating-you-are-infringing-on-my-life tone.  It doesn’t matter if the last time you talked on the phone was after the birth of your first born.  How dare you even think of focusing on a conversation with another human over the telephone. What are you thinking?


But you know me, the redhead, I have a way for you to get even.

Wait until all of them are in the middle of something they love doing.  Your husband might be in the middle of that 30 minute bathroom visit, your kids are about to move up a level on their favorite video game or hear who has just won Idol …

Place a phone to your ear and yell:

“OH MY GAWD YOU ARE KIDDING ME! TELL ME MORE! I AM GOING TO SIT DOWN HERE WITH MY [insert wine, martini, cup of tea, coffee] AND TAKE THIS ALL IN!”  Then laugh a great laugh.

I give them a second and they will be at your side; husband holding a roll of toilet paper, kids griping a controller or TV remote – all talking at you at the same time, demanding your attention.  You smile; put down the phone.

How wonderful, your family is gathered around and you didn’t even have to use a bullhorn.

It’s a miracle.


It’s a phone.

Until next time-



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About Catherine, the redhead mom blogger

Catherine’s hopes to make this blog a safe place for thyroid sufferers to come laugh and share the funnier side of thyroid disease while raising awareness around the world. She is a published author, known for her humorous speeches on finding your dream life and blogging for fun and profit. Catherine writes about her dream life at, 8 Women Dream and several online marketing publications. She would also like to be invited to speak at TED about her observations. Catherine posts on M/W/F. Join me on Google+ rapieress@aol.com

9 Responses to Why Cell Phones Are Better Than Bullhorns For Getting Attention

  1. Deborah Panas July 11, 2007 at 11:52 pm #

    Dear lord this exact thing just happened to me this morning. Odd how it didn’t appear as funny then as you write it on your blog now. You are a comical refreshment for my soul. I am addicted to your blog!

  2. Janice July 12, 2007 at 1:05 am #

    Another truism: No one ever calls on the house phone cuz kids have cell phones, unless I am already on the phone and then the little beep letting me know someone else is calling. GRRRR.

    Good post and so very true. :)

  3. Alexa July 12, 2007 at 9:12 pm #

    You presented a wicked common problem in most households so well, I am going to have to quote you! I am actually going to try it out on “house boy”…I know it will get him out of his cell in front of the TV!!!


  4. shuey6 July 13, 2007 at 8:07 pm #

    Loving your site!

    I tagged you for a MEME (sorry), so visit my blog if you want to play!

    Thanks for the laugh, great post.

  5. Theresa111 July 14, 2007 at 12:48 am #

    Absolutely true 100%. Brilliant!

  6. Derek Chan July 15, 2007 at 2:56 am #

    FYI: we read in there to get away from all of you.

  7. Raven July 15, 2007 at 11:07 am #

    I could be choking to death while having multiple strokes and a heart attack and neither one of my kids would bat an eye. But as soon as that phone rings they come a runnin’ and start bugging me right away.

  8. Angela July 15, 2007 at 8:45 pm #

    Works EVERY time! This tactic works GREAT on grandkids, too!

    Girl, you ARE HILARIOUS!!! You know how they say “laughter is the best medicine”, well, you’re Geritol for this Boomer. Keep up with you and I oughtta make it to the century mark! I LOVE your blog!!!

  9. Catherine, the redhead July 18, 2007 at 1:53 am #

    Thank you all for your comments. I just put a phone in my son’s room – do you think this will help? nooooooo but at least he can talk in his room without me hearing THOSE painful conversations. I am wondering if he ever really does anything but breathe on the phone when supposedly talking with his friends…

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