What I have learned over the years since my divorce is the best kind of relationships are the ones which develop when we are creating a great life – when we are following our own plan – or our passion. The other person comes along during this time, is caught up in our love of creating a certain life and gets swept up into our enthusiasm for life.
I have yet to create my dream life. I know what I want. I have an idea on how to get there, but need the energy and a solution for my thyroid so I can go out and grab it. I don’t want to repeat what I did in my starter marriage: choose someone who I think is going to give me a life.
It never works and who really wants someone else deciding their life.
I see in some of my girlfriends that they are stuck, lost after having the kids – being married, acquiring that dream and now looking for what to do next. Becoming single would certainly change their lives, but it will not help in the long term, unless the marriage is a personally degrading experience, and involves too much personal sacrifice.
Some of my friends are caught up in trying to find themselves within marriages that involve stepchildren they love, where the spouse brought the children into the relationship. Beside the fact that I think there is a special place in heaven for such step-parents, it makes the waters more muddied as my friends try and set priorities that are interwoven with young children who are not their own.
It’s rather like Alice Through the Looking Glass, we are fascinated by what we see in the mirror (the person we love) and want to step through to the other side. Once there, we explore their world and it looks a lot like the Mad Hatter’s tea party. We end up looking for a way back ‘home’ to our Cheshire cat. Sometimes the craziness works together like a great novel – while other times it is all about pain and suffering.
Whatever the story, we have to find our own life’s purpose, our dream and quit looking in that mirror for someone else to chase through Wonderland.
Until next time-
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