I haven’t mentioned how Brian’s football playoffs are going – or went.
‘Went’ would be the operative word. In the end Brian’s team went down in glory and played their hearts out. I never knew a bunch of 9-11 year old boys could play at something with so much heart. I was amazed at their level of commitment and comradeship. In the final game Brian’s team was down 18-0 at the end of the 2nd quarter, and it looked like they were being outplayed at every position. Silent boy faces left the field for halftime, looking as if their dreams for a playoff position were gone like the end of summer.
Then a funny thing happened.
Brian’s team wouldn’t give up. They came back in the 3rd quarter and the next thing I know Brian’s team scores two touchdowns and is down 18-12 and have turned the game around. Typical parents that we are, we begin to lose our voices as it looks like the kids have a chance to pull a “Joe Montana”. (Joe Montana was the 3rd quarter quarterback).
In the end it came down to three attempted Hail Mary’s in the last seconds of the game. Everyone was on their feet wanting this group of kids to win, but as fate and fortunes go, it was not in the cards, the 10 year old quarterback over-threw his final Hail Mary pass in the last second of the game by a foot.
Then, the most amazing thing happened, the boys did not explode in tears. They got in line to congratulate the other team who was jubilant at their win. They shook hands and walked back to be with Coach Hal who gathered his team in for one last talk. I walked down from the bleachers wondering how Brian would be or worse – what would I say.
I was proud of how hard they played and their dignity. I contemplated how I would explain to Brian that their behavior meant more to me than if they had won. A guy friend once told me that the loosing creates more of a man than the winning, and while walking the walk to greet Brian I understood too well what he meant. But now, with my son’s heart broken, what will I say?
I walked all the way to the gate at the field this time and noticed my x husband stayed back at the stands. I was not about to let Brian walk that long walk alone after his first big loss. At first sight he looked OK, but as he approached I could see the tears rolling down his cheeks. It was all I could do to hold back my own, so I sucked in a fair amount of wind (these are the toughest times as a parent). Sometimes certain types of pain is good for our children to feel, and we can’t fix it – it is a part of life.
He buried his face in my chest and I kissed the top of his head. All I was able to say with my heart in my throat, “Brian I am so proud of you, that was the best football game I have ever watched.”
“Really?” he looks up as I use my thumbs to wipe his tears. “Really, really.” He grins, “Can I have a Gatorade?” “You can have two today if you want”, I answer as we pull off his gear.
At this point my x husband walks up, suddenly it dawns on me that he couldn’t face Brian, and once he saw that Brian was ok with me he felt he could approach Brian. My x husband didn’t want to cry. He hugged Brian and then they started the whole pushing and shoving thing that men do when there is too much emotion in the moment. Brian’s giggles flow out and fill the air, breaking the tension. I can see my x husband’s relief that Brian is OK, and I realize that this man really does love his son very much.
I have stayed in Santa Rosa and put my life on hold to keep Brian near his father. It was what I wished upon a star for so many times during the awful years after the divorce. Boys need their dads, as much as we women in divorce might not like to think so. (Trust me I have gone through the divorce period where we hate our ex’s).
But, we can’t change the fact that kids love their parents. And we shouldn’t. It is just plain wrong to attempt to cut a parent out of a child’s life. I don’t take child support because I want Brian to have a good life with his dad. You could argue with me on this subject all you want but in the end it just boils down to does the parent see the kid? –then fuc* the money. Besides, who says I cannot take care of myself – and Brian?
Brian’s dad paid for the football costs, transported Brian to the games and practices which allowed me to sail in and out of football as I pleased. He was as committed to Brian as Brian was to football. I noticed my ex husband growing up (some) from the experience. A few people probably thought us nuts when my ex’s girlfriend Katie would sit between us at the games, cheering for Brian. But I look for the love of Brian, and I know Brian understands that in the world of the screwed-up adults, he is number 1 with us.
… and he is my little hero.
C
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