How One Cupboard Proves You Still Have Children At Home

More From rapieress

Tags: erma bombect stories, funny mom bloggers, Parenting humor

0

Can Someone Tell Me The Secret To Understanding What Teenagers are Saying?

Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Feb 21, 2010 in Puzzled

Brian have you fed the dog?

My feet are cold.

—

Brian can you take the garbage out now?

There’s something weird on the floor over here.

—

Brian is your homework done?

We had to run the mile in PE today.

—

Brian, can you come lift this for me?

Did Alex call?

—

Brian, we need to be leaving now. Are you ready?

Mom, John said he could beat me arm wrestling at school, but he couldn’t, and Mrs. Lewis said we weren’t funny. But it was, you know? And then I said hey, and he said hey. (laughter) So funny huh mom?

—

Brian how are your grades in school?

I’m hungry.

—

Brian how was school today?

My back itches.

—

Or should I just be grateful he is talking to me at all?

Until next time -

C

More From rapieress

Tags: conversations with teens, erma bombeck, Parenting humor, raising teenagers

0

6 Questions A Good Mom Never Asks A Teenage Boy

Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Jan 24, 2010 in Parenting 101

This is really cute in pink – what to try it on?
Do you like her?
Want some Brussels sprouts and liver for dinner? It’s really good for you.
Can I have a kiss goodbye?
Want to go with me to the ballet?
How was school today?

Until next time -

C

More From rapieress

Tags: moms say, Parenting humor, teenage conversations, things, things we say to our kids

6

The Secret People Behind Love Poems

Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Jan 17, 2010 in Brian

“How was school today?”

“OK.”

Silence.

“I had to do the dumbest thing ever in English.”

“Oh?”

“We had to write a love poem. (Big sigh) Who writes that crazy stuff anyways except for girls and old men?”

Until next time -

C

More From rapieress

Tags: high school english, Parenting humor, teenage boys and love poems

0

Teenage Thoughts: A Mothers Work Is Never Done

Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Jan 10, 2010 in It's A Mom's Life

It is Sunday night at 9pm . . . the dog is already asleep . . .

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t have any cookies for my lunch tomorrow.”

“Well . . . it’s too late now.”

“Not it’s not. Can you make me Oatmeal cookies?”

“Brian, it’s 9:00!”

“It should only take you 10 minutes.”

“P L E A S E?”

Until next time -

C

More From rapieress

Tags: a mothers work, oatmeal cookies, Parenting humor

1

A Mothers Scream Heard Half Way Around The World

Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Dec 27, 2009 in Mom Rants and Raves

As New Year’s Eve quickly approaches and 2010 is looming on the horizon, many people are setting goals and New Year’s Resolutions.

Not me.

In 2010 my son turns 15.

Then 15 1/2.

Then a driver’s permit.

I’m sorry if my scream broke all the crystal glass in your home.

Until next time -

C

More From rapieress

Tags: Parenting humor, teen driving, teenage drivers

5

Here’s Quick Proof That Teenage Boys Do Move

Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Jan 9, 2009 in Brian and Mom

It’s amazing when you put a video game in front of a teenage boy, they can jump, bend, lift and move all over the place for hours on end.

But ask that same kid to empty the dishwasher and *poof* they’re exhausted.

I think we should make a Wii inside the dishwasher so the dishes get done; a Wii inside the garbage can so the garbage gets taken out; a Wii out of the pet food bowls so that they don’t die of starvation and dehydration; a Wii for picking up underwear and socks; a Wii for wet towels and a Wii for making the bed…

You see where I am going with this.

But at least now I have something to hold over his head.

A mother should always have this.

Until next time-

C

Http://www.aweekinthelifeofaredhead.com

More From rapieress

Tags: Parenting humor, teenage boys move

4

Warning: Teenage Boys Are Eating

Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Jun 14, 2008 in Brian and Mom

Brian invited several teenage friends over for dinner

No one was injured during the filming of this teenage boys eating production.

Until next time-

C

Add to Technorati Favorites

More From rapieress

Tags: Parenting humor, teenage boys eat

4

20 Signs You Are Spending Too Much Time As Mom

Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Jul 25, 2007 in It's A Mom's Life

You know you might be spending too much time as “Mom” when:

1. You begin using stockings to store onions rather than to entice the opposite sex.

2. Your vibrator has it’s own side of the bed.

3. You actually use your vibrator to massage your own back.

4. Your underwear is older than your oldest child.

5. You think Taco Bell is a 5-star restaurant, and they call you by name when you drive-through.

6. All your bras are white, and actually comfortable.

7. You use your dust-ridden stiletto pumps to hammer nails and kill bugs.

8. You shave your legs only in the summer.

9. You think a baseball cap as an accessory looks cute … all the time.

10. You carry carrots and crackers in your Gucci bag.

11. You put spit on your finger and try to wipe the sides of the mouths of all the men you meet.

12. An exciting evening is not having to bathe the dog.

13. Your mother is your favorite person to call.

14. When someone suggests you get a waxing you think it’s to hire someone to dust your home.

15. All your lotions, shampoos and soaps smell like a doctor’s office rather than rose petals.

16. All you have to talk about is your children’s laundry.

17. You think pole dancing is something lumberjacks do.

18. You like to hang out with your mother on Saturday nights.

19. Your father finds you sensible.

20. You carry wet-wipes and actually use them.

Holy shi* I think I’m officially a chronic Mom.

Where’s my glass of wine … and Kleenex?

Until next time-

C

http://www.aweekinthelifeofaredhead.com

More From rapieress

Tags: 20 signs you are a mom, Parenting humor

7

Give Me Hair Conditioner And I’ll Give You Soap On A Roap

Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Jun 25, 2007 in Puzzled

Ex: “Is Brian showering at your place?” soap-on-a-rope

Me: “Uhhh yes, every night.”

Ex: “Does he use any soap?”

Me: “I think so – he smells clean – W H Y?”

(These are conversations you never picture yourself having when you are young, sexy and vibrantly first married. It is only years later when you are beaten the crap out of by life, have children, never sleep and get divorced that conversations with men are reduced to this).

Ex: “Have you looked at his hair lately?”

Me: “Yeah, it seems a little oily but he is 12…”

Brian passes by at this moment and we stare.

Brian: “W H A A A A T??”

Ex: “Are you washing your hair?”

Brian: (Big sigh) “YESSSSSS!”

About three days go by and Brian’s hair is looking particularly greasy.

“Brian?”

“Yeah mom?”

“Can you go in the bathroom and bring me the shampoo you use?”

“In a minute.”

“Uh, no … N O W.”

I hear a sigh and movement. He goes into the bathroom and brings me the container of … my expensive

c o n d i t i o n e r.

“Uh Brian, this is conditioner…”

“Yeah, so?”

“You’ve been using just this to wash your hair?”

“Yeah, why?”

“How long?”

“A while – why?”

“It’s conditioner, son.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Conditioner softens you hair and shampoo cleans it…”

“I KNOW.”

“But this won’t clean your hair.”

“Why not? That green bottle stuff you had me use before said conditioner on it…”

“Yes, that was shampoo with conditioner IN it.”

Brian looks puzzled.

“Brian, you need something with the word shampoo on it to wash the oil out of your hair – which means soap.”

“And this doesn’t have soap in it?”

“NO.”

“Why?”

(My ’sexy’ is just so gone and I don’t think it is ever coming back).

“Because it’s meant to JUST soften your hair.”

“Girl stuff. Ew.”

“Exactly Brian, now please go take a shower and wash your hair with shampoo…”

“N O W?”

“N O W.”

“Geesh Dad’s shower is easier.”

“It will always be… he uses soap-on-a-rope.”

“You should get some mom.”

“Not ever Brian.”

Been there. Divorced that.

Until next time-

C

Add to Technorati Favorites

More From rapieress

Tags: greasy teenage hair, Parenting humor, soap on a rope

2

How To Inflate A Pool Toy and Get A Date

Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Jun 9, 2007 in Gratefulness

With all this gratitude floating around it was difficult for me to say what this week has meant to me, and besides, I have spent the better part of the day away on a mini vacation by a friend’s pool with those drinks with little umbrellas in them. (I’m a little busy, ok?).

And then it came to me.

Like a flash!

What I am really grateful for this week is…

(drum roll please)

ELECTRIC AIR PUMPS.

Because when you are standing in a hundred degree weather and kids are begging for you to “just blow this up” for the 42nd time and there are more floating devices in the pool than water, and you love all children but wish they would just go away and PLAY, you know, that thing kids are suppose to do rather than bug the crap out of their parents while they are attempting to carry on an adult conversation.

These little pumps are worth their weight in gold.

Will this get in the way of my little umbrella drink?

No?

And the kids will go away, play and leave us alone?

Wow. Where is the nearest WalMart? I am making one of these a new member of my family. Can I marry it?

I was thinking this devise is so darn great at blowing things that I am going to put it in my toy chest for a later time, when that certain question comes up that ALWAYS seems to come up with men.

I will look at him lovingly and say, “Ummm honey, I have a new special toy for you and it no longer involves me and red lipstick…I am going [insert here anything else you like doing besides this] and will be back later.

Oh, and to any family members that might be reading this…

this really isn’t about me I was just inventing a story for the internet.

Until next time-

C