Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Jul 25, 2010 in
Brian and Mom
“Oh good God boys, what on earth are you watching?”
“The Decent.”
“I thought you didn’t like scary movies.”
“Since when?”
“Okay, well I can’t watch this – I’m going to read. If you still want me to watch a movie with you, then call me when this is over and you are watching something more calm.”
“Okay Mom.”
(an hour goes by)
“Mom?”
“Is the movie over?”
“Yeah. It’s safe. You can come back and sit down.”
“What are you watching now?
“The Shinning.”
Until next time -
C
http://www.aweekinthelifeofaredhead.com
Tags: mom blogs, mom humor, mom humor blogs, parenting a teenager, parenting blogs, Parenting humor, the next erma bombeck
Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Jul 18, 2010 in
Brian and Mom
“What’s that?”
“Broccoli”
“Ew.”
“Brian, just try it. You used to eat everything when you were a baby . . .”
“Yeah, well . . . then I was stupid when I was a baby.”
“No you weren’t!”
“I ate Play Doe and mud, Mom . . . “‘
Until next time -
C
http://www.aweekinthelifeofaredhead.com
Tags: mom blogs, mom humor, mom humor blogs, parenting a teenager, parenting blogs, Parenting humor, the next erma bombeck
Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Jul 4, 2010 in
Brian and Mom
“Happy Birthday mom!”
“Thanks Brian. How old do you think I am?”
“I know! You’re 50.”
“Does that seem old to you?”
“Naw. You’re still kinda’ cool.”
“Kinda?”
“Yeah. It’s a good thing.”
“Cool.”
“Cool.”
Until next time -
C
http://www.aweekinthelifeofaredhead.com
Tags: Catherine Hughes, erma bombeck quotes on motherhood, mom blogs, mom blogs we love, Parenting humor, parenting humor blogs, the next erma bombeck, top mom bloggers
Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Jun 27, 2010 in
Brian and Mom,
Parenting humor
When the universe bestowed upon me a super-kind boy, I worried other kids might be inclined to take advantage of his gentle nature – with any future daughter-in-law making me so crazy in her treatment of his kindnesses with negative diatribes, I would have to spend my golden years living in Europe so I wouldn’t be forced to kill her.
These felt like real concerns – after all, redhead is in my gene pool of crazy.
That is until Testosterone came to live with me and my son Brian . . . in our very tiny home.
Before Testosterone showed up on the doorstep, carrying bags of angst, soda, arguments and chips, Brian and me had this sweet mother-son relationship, where I would ask him to do something, and by God and miracles, he would get right up and do it. It was such a lovely life of me ordering Brian around like a parent, and Brian responding like the coolest, best kid ever, by actually listening and doing what I ordered.
It was a great life.
Almost blissful.
Other parents envied me, as they half-mockingly said things like, “Wow, Brian is such a sweet boy. You are so lucky.”
Lucky?
You call it luck?
I’d half-smile and think, why that is just great parenting on my part thank you very much. I mean, I might have slept with men no better than a termite, but I sure do know how to raise a perfectly, great kid – thank you – thank you – please leave all gifts of admiration at my doorstep. I’ll be here 18 years. If you have any questions, just ask. Thank you. Thank you.
It’s amazing how pride over your perfect children can regurgitate like projectile vomit when kids reach their teenage years, college years or their divorcing years. Because you see, there are no perfect kids, and if you are foolish enough to think that you have raised some, then you just haven’t seen the photographic evidence of the time they tried marijuana, had unprotected sex, vomited in strange night club toilets and lied to get what they wanted.
Yes – they did.
In my case the shift from perfect boy to teenager happened when Testosterone inquired about moving in and hanging with my son. He promised to help my son grow taller, deepen his voice, get more than 3 hairs under his armpits, and have him showering twice a day so that he always looks good.
It sounded great to me.
I mean, why not?
Other (lesser) parents have lived with Testosterone and survived.
This is me here. Catherine the great. I am, after all Irish, and we come from a long lineage of women who successfully used guilt and God to get what we wanted.
Testosterone – bring it on!
However, Testosterone didn’t bother to mention the war movies he’d bring, the football gear on the floor, the war and football video games he’d buy or the sudden shift in Brian’s attitude to resemble San Diego linebacker Shawne Merriman – when Merriman is on the field.
Nor did he mention the fact that the television in our house would permanently bounce from Comedy Central to ESPN, and if I dare mention Lifetime for women, my son and his new best friend Testosterone will look at me like I have just asked them to dawn hot pink shirts with matching pink tennis shoes, and attend a three hour church service with grandma, followed by tea served on fine china and small talk of embroidery.
Excuse me but the last time I looked I am still writing all the checks here.
Hello?
If you don’t hear anything here - this would be the sound of a teenager tuning you out. Testosterone teaches this too. I hear Estrogen can do the same with girls – combined with a lot of door slamming – but since I was blessed by the Gods and Irish good fortune not to be raising terrorists teenage girls, I can’t answer for Estrogen.
Well maybe the menopause version, but I hear it’s waaaaaaay milder than the teenage-girl version.
Where was I?
Oh yeah – Testosterone has also taught my former perfectly sweet son to say things like -
“WHY?”
“NO!”
“NO – WHY?”
“NO.”
“I almost hit him.”
“I shoved him.”
“DAMN!”
“Holy hell!”
“What the hell?”
“I creamed him when I tackled him. It was great.”
“No!”
“Later.”
“Not now.”
“Noooo!”
If I put on 6 inch heels I can stand taller than his 15 year old self and yell down at him, but I have to do this near a wall for support, because the last time I wore a decent high heel was when I actually thought dating was important and the idea of cleaning up after another man was worth the sex.
I have recovered from those delusional thoughts thank you.
Testosterone has also taught Brian how to interrupt me mid-sentence, because he is convinced what I am telling him has no merit in this decade due to the fact that it is coming from someone born before 1995, and God-forbid we ancient folk might know what we are talking about, since they think anyone over the age of 30 was friends with Abraham Lincoln.
These are the times I am quite sure smoke blows out my ears and nose while one foot scrapes the ground.
It doesn’t seem to deter him.
Wise parents who have experience with Testosterone tell me they settle down in about a year.
A Y E A R?
Well . . . one solace is that every time they make me mad enough to blow smoke, Testosterone and my son are forced to to the dishes – or vacuum – or fold the laundry.
Or I make them walk to the store and back for milk and butter
At this rate I could end up with the cleanest home in the history of California.
Or 32 gallons of milk.
And 40 pounds of butter.
Well, I suppose it could be worse. I could be raising a teenage girl too.
Did you hear that?
It was me – screaming at the thought of it.
Until next time -
C
http://www.aweekinthelifeofaredhead.com
Tags: erma bombeck quotes on motherhood, mom blogs, mom blogs we love, Parenting humor, parenting humor blogs, the next erma bombeck, top mom bloggers
Posted by Catherine, the redhead mom blogger on Jun 13, 2010 in
Brian and Mom,
Parenting humor
Teenagers everyday are convincing parents in subtle ways just how little they know.
I submit for you some examples of how my son tries to make it clear that he knows everything because he is a teenager and I know nothing because I am a mom -
“Look at that big tree Brian!”
(Sigh). “It’s a sequoia mom.”
***
“Wow, the moon it bright tonight!”
“Mom, the moon does not give off light of its own. The Moon reflects the Sun’s light.”
***
“Come on Brian, it’s 7:30 – let’s go!”
“It’s only 7:29 Mom!”
***
“Wow, it’s hot today. I think its 90 degrees out.”
(Glancing up from i-Touch) “It’s only 92 Mom.”
***
“What about these tennis shoes Brian?”
(sigh) “They’re skater shoes Mom.”
***
“Brian, is that your i-phone on the floor?”
“It’s an ipad Touch Mom.”
***
Do you have this kind of conversation with your teenager? I’m on to his game though.
I handle it by going quietly into my room and banging my head against the wall.
I’m told they grow out of this.
Soon?
Until next time -
C
http://www.aweekinthelifeofaredhead.com
Tags: communicating with teenagers, conversations with kids, humor blogs, mom blogs, mom humor, parenting blogs, Parenting humor, the next erma bombeck
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