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Give Me Hair Conditioner And I’ll Give You Soap On A Roap

Ex:  “Is Brian showering at your place?”soap-on-a-rope

Me:  “Uhhh yes, every night.”

Ex:   “Does he use any soap?”

Me:  “I think so – he smells clean – W H Y?”

(These are conversations you never picture yourself having when you are young, sexy and vibrantly first married.  It is only years later when you are beaten the crap out of by life, have children, never sleep and get divorced that conversations with men are reduced to this).

Ex:  “Have you looked at his hair lately?”

Me:  “Yeah, it seems a little oily but he is 12…”

Brian passes by at this moment and we stare.

Brian:  “W H A A A A T??”

Ex:  “Are you washing your hair?”

Brian:  (Big sigh)  “YESSSSSS!”

About three days go by and Brian’s hair is looking particularly greasy.


“Yeah mom?”

“Can you go in the bathroom and bring me the shampoo you use?”

“In a minute.”

“Uh, no … N O W.”

I hear a sigh and movement.  He goes into the bathroom and brings me the container of …  my expensive

c o n d i t i o n e r.

“Uh Brian, this is conditioner…”

“Yeah, so?”

“You’ve been using just this to wash your hair?”

“Yeah, why?”

“How long?”

“A while – why?”

“It’s conditioner, son.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Conditioner softens you hair and shampoo cleans it…”


“But this won’t clean your hair.”

“Why not?  That green bottle stuff you had me use before said conditioner on it…”

“Yes, that was shampoo with conditioner IN it.”

Brian looks puzzled.

“Brian, you need something with the word shampoo on it to wash the oil out of your hair – which means soap.”

“And this doesn’t have soap in it?”



(My ‘sexy’ is just so gone and I don’t think it is ever coming back).

“Because it’s meant to JUST soften your hair.”

“Girl stuff.  Ew.”

“Exactly Brian, now please go take a shower and wash your hair with shampoo…”

“N O W?”

“N O W.”

“Geesh Dad’s shower is easier.”

“It will always be…  he uses soap-on-a-rope.”

“You should get some mom.”

“Not ever Brian.”

Been there.  Divorced that.

Until next time-



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About Catherine, the redhead mom blogger

Catherine’s hopes to make this blog a safe place for thyroid sufferers to come laugh and share the funnier side of thyroid disease while raising awareness around the world. She is a published author, known for her humorous speeches on finding your dream life and blogging for fun and profit. Catherine writes about her dream life at, 8 Women Dream and several online marketing publications. She would also like to be invited to speak at TED about her observations. Catherine posts on M/W/F. Join me on Google+ rapieress@aol.com

7 Responses to Give Me Hair Conditioner And I’ll Give You Soap On A Roap

  1. Sherrie June 26, 2007 at 12:27 am #

    My husband does that too. Except it is with Ivory bar soap that is not on a rope. He washes his hair with it and everything.

  2. Terra June 26, 2007 at 1:15 am #

    What is it with boys and soap?

  3. Ariah Fine June 26, 2007 at 3:33 am #

    that is some funny banter

  4. Dreamcatcher June 26, 2007 at 4:56 am #

    wow!!!!! too good..hilarious..:)

  5. Shinade June 26, 2007 at 8:10 pm #

    I am here to inform you that you have just recieved an award. You can pick it up below.


  6. Don Thieme June 27, 2007 at 4:27 pm #

    Soap on a rope! ! Thank god this is the first I have heard of it.

  7. Sanna June 27, 2007 at 9:28 pm #

    Hey, what a hilarious story. And so well written!
    You’ve got a very funny and inspiring blog! I’ll be back…

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