If You Just Think Of Happy Things, Your Heart Will Fly On Wings
Like most parents, I have enjoyed living under the delusion, that in my child’s life, I am the super hero . If there is a problem, I’ll throw on my super hero cape and fly to the rescue. In the 13 years my son has been on this earth, I have restored his faith while leaping small buildings with a single bound.
There wasn’t a problem I couldn’t help solve. But like the young bird that learns to fly from the nest, after a certain age, I can’t put on my cape and save him from the world anymore. The world is now sneaking in, under my front door, and making its way into our little wonderful life.
Yesterday, a dejected boy meets me at the door, face drawn and eyes swollen.
“I didn’t get the part I wanted…”
Large crocodile tears well up in his eyes. Before I can put down my laptop bag, he races into my arms, burying his face in my chest. I briefly wonder, when did he get so tall …where is my little boy? I realize he is quietly sobbing in my arms, not wanting anyone to hear his anguish. My heart goes straight to my throat.
I know this is one of those painful life lessons I can’t protect him from, or change. It takes the strength of Hercules for parents to hold on to our emotions when our children are in despair. Being that I am of the menopausal years, being a woman in general, and being a woman with red hair, it was all I could do not to sit down and have a good cry with him. If our children only knew how we suffer when they grieve.
I hold him in my arms for as long as he wants. I can’t remember the last time he cried this hard, or let me hold him so long. His hair doesn’t smell of baby powder and oatmeal anymore. He smells like a boy. I ponder how much longer I am going to be able to stroke his hair and kiss the top of his head. It just goes by too damn fast.
Pretty soon he looks up at me, his face swollen with tears and a nose full of snot, “I don’t want to go back,” he mumbles. Another hard part of being a parent: making our kids do things they don’t want to do because we know they must. “Boobello, if mommy stopped getting out of bed because life didn’t go exactly the way I planned I’d be still in the bed at my parent’s house…and smelling pretty bad…” He manages a short laugh.
What I want to say is “Go ahead and stay a child and I’ll stay the same age…. uh… and we’ll live happily ever after!” But that only happens in fairy tales, where the damsel, princess, freak-girl has a waist the size of a straight pin and marries a guy who runs around in tights, lives with his parents, has a serious gambling problem, and is addicted to cartoon porn…
Instead of telling Brian to stay home for the rest of his life, we make chocolate chip cookies and watch a movie. I tell him stories of how misfortune has turned out positively for me. I am not sure he is convinced. He falls asleep in his clothes on the couch. I cover him with his favorite blanket and Boonie the dog makes her way to his side.
It can break a mom’s heart to watch Peter Pan grow up.
Sigh.
Second to the right, and straight on till morning.
Until next time-
Wendy
Mom
http://www.aweekinthelifeofaredhead.com
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Very sincere and vulnerable post Catherine. Nothing pulls on our heart strings more than our kids, especially when they’re feeling down. The good thing is that they are so resilient. You gave him an outlet, and now he will probably move on by morning.
Catherine, I felt like I was there… I have been there. I have even cried with them. Brian will always know he can go to Mom. Mom’s always make it better. Even though we may not think we did….. I hope you had wine with your movie!!
Beautiful post Cath. As you know, I’m not a parent, but it brought tears to my eyes. Your love for Brian really shows in your words. Very touching.
Beautiful post. I sometimes would love to stop time too, and have my kids stay the way they are now. Other times, not so much. They, on the other hand, are usually in a hurry to grow up.
Wow, I wish I could say something original here, but I can’t- That was beautiful. I admire you for your choice of words when dealing with such a disheartening situation.. it really hurts when those we love are hurting.
I subscribed, btw.
I think you dealt with it in about the best way you could. With a girl, you’d have a little better handle on her feelings; raising a boy as a single mother is scary in that you don’t know exactly how boys think, so you have to be careful not to second guess yourself. As someone who was a little boy many, many years ago, I think you did pretty good.
Oh, this made me weep a little. My son is 2.5 and I’m feeling this future already.
Like Allie said, I felt like I was there. It’s hard seeing our children unhappy.
Hey girl,
Kudos to you! My kids are grown and I wish I could go back in time and change so many things, but we can’t. I’m really glad he’s got a good shoulder to cry on 
Sounds like you guys have a great relationship and you said all the right things
take care and be well
Don’t they tho? You have a little girl too … their tears would bring me to my knees. Thanks for stopping by-
Cath
LOL … yes my good ole red wine. Did you know that red wine is good with chocolate chip cookies too???
Thanks for your comment Allie!
Catherine
Thank you Steven!! Gosh I miss chatting with you. I hope all is well and you are enjoying your new life!
Hugs,
Catherine
Theresa, I always love your posts – thanks for stopping by. Yes, just yesterday I was fantacising about the day there are no dirty boy underwear on the bathroom floor with wet towels anymore, so the feelings do come and go…
Catherine
Thank you Raivyn for the add and your very kind words. I appreciate it more than I can say -
Catherine
Thank you Bob my dear
Catherine
Ahhhh the twos…that was the age that Brian liked to run around in a diaper and cowboy boots.
Much like many grown mean we know after a few too many beers…?…
Thanks for your post -
Catherine
Aye, it tis.
Hi Michelle!
I am sure you were a great mom – the best you could be. Hell, I am sure I have given Brian plenty of reasons in the future to sit on a couch and tell a Dr. about his life with his redheaded mom…
Catherine
That was so heartfelt and touched every mother who read it, I’m sure. I started to tear up because I know soon, my kids will be grown and I’ll be wondering, “When did that happen?”
Loved it.
Shoot Catherine, I just found this post. I felt it as you wrote it, your heart going to your throat, wanting to squish him and keep this moment of protecting him , where he needs you, forever and ever….
My son is only nine, but it’s starting already. He’s needing me less and less. His independence is hovering over our heads. Those moments when they are still our babies are getting fewer and fewer between.
We’re showing them how to go in the right direction, but with each lesson learned, our heart strings are pulled a little more…
Love how you handled this. Love this post.