I was once considered the queen of dinner parties and after my divorce I somehow managed to completely stop having them. This year we were invited to two other Thanksgiving parties and I was looking forward to drinking other peoples wine and eating wonderful food I didn’t have to clean up. But Brian insisted, “I want you to have Thanksgiving – please.”
I thought about it for about half a second and said, “Sure, why not.”
Dinner parties are work – jaysus.
It is amazing the things we do for the people we love, especially our children. They are a calculating bunch though. Once I said yes Brian hit me with his list of dinner guests, which besides his best friend, included my ex husband and my ex mother-in-law.
As mothers we learn to breathe deeply before we speak sometimes. I thought about all this kid has been through and all that he has accomplished and figured what-the-hell. I said yes, and invited my ex husband and his mom. I told my own mom that she had better come and bring lots of wine.
And because I am out of practice, I decided to do it up right with table decorations, silver and fine china. I cleaned our place until it sparkled, moved furniture around and prepared some of my old signature foods.
As I sat at the end of the table looking down where Brian sat between his dad and his best friend I could see that he was twisting in his skin with happiness. Everyone at the dinner party was there for Brian.
Today the dining table sits in the middle of the room, the decorations moved about, half melted candlesticks and used tea cups at one end. The kitchen has stacked plates and cups, used wine glasses and dirty linens, ready for me to finish cleaning and the china to be stored. They are the remnants of well-enjoyed dinner party.
Many of the divorced will tell you that we must live completely separate lives in order for our children to adjust. I am never one to do what everyone else says I should. In Brian’s case, he doesn’t ever remember his father and I together – he was two years old when we separated.
Do I enjoy hanging out with my x husband? No, I don’t frankly, but Brian loves his dad and growing up I was not forced to choose between my mother and my father and I don’t want Brian to feel like he has to choose between us. I think the cruelest thing we can do to a child is try and force them to love or not love another adult that we want or don’t want in our lives.
So I had a dinner party and made my son happy. How difficult was that? I enjoyed cooking for a large group and experimenting with some different flavors. The food was a success, the Turkey perfect and everyone laughed and had a great time. I proved to myself that I can still entertain and put a perfect three course meal on the table that doesn’t involve catchup and chicken nuggets.
Until next time-
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