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Warning: Kids Don’t Do Charcoal

In my previous rant about what food Brian simply won’t eat (or sit near) I forgot to mention one rather large fact about children, OK, mainly Brian.

He currently don’t do charcoal.

Now, don’t get your nickers in a twist here thinking, “He hates barbecue??”.  Hell no, he loves barbecue.  If you could barbecue his eggs and cover them in hickory barbecue sauce he’d be in breakfast heaven.  If you invented a good barbecue steak flavored milk shake he’d probably drink two in 5 minutes.

No, the charcoal I am referring to is the type that appears when you overcook food just a weeeeeeee bit.

For example:

burned-toastDoes this toast look burned to you?  See that tiny bit of black on the left side?  (Get out your magnifying glass). That qualifies as “kid-burnt icky” and ruins the other 90% of the toast.  Ok, lets just be reminded that Brian doesn’t eat crusts of bread, so why do we even care if the crust resembles a used candle wick?  Ummmm, because that is using logical thinking and there’s no logical thinking allowed when it comes to kids – stop using logic or you will end up with a lifetime prescription of Prozac.

If you dare burn this- grilled-cheese

you may as well throw this grilled cheese disaster away, or eat it yourself.  Kids will run from the room like this sandwich is on fire.  Ever try the “scraping-with-knife-until-accidentally-cut-finger” move?  Yeah well, kids won’t eat it after that major plastic surgery scrape job, even if you stand there begging with your bloody stump.  The boys will be more fascinated with the blood anyway, so what were you thinking …

Dinner and a show?

God forbid,  burned-chickenyou burn the skin of the barbecue chicken.  If you dare peal the skin off to save yourself from hearing the whine, “Iiiiiiiittttttttt’ssssss burned mom!” you will get the other whine, “Where’s the skin?? It’s my favorite part!”  The dog will eat burned chicken skin though…

God, I love that dog.  She loves everything I burn cook.

Ever try-

to feed any kids burned hot dogs at a birthday party?  You will just find them eating the hothot-dogs dog bun with catchup only (no mustard – remember mustard is a toxin) and feeding the burned hot dog to the dog, the cat, the bird – any moving creature that will take that burned thing away from them NOW.  Brian will just resort to eating chips.

And please explain to me

why a child would eat almost the whole pizza and then say,

pizza“It was just ok.  It was a little burned though.”

“Only part of the end of two crusts were burned, son.”

“Yeah that’s why it was just ‘ok’.”

No wonder parents finally resort to this for kids:


And THIS for themselves:


Until next time-


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About Catherine, the redhead mom blogger

Catherine’s hopes to make this blog a safe place for thyroid sufferers to come laugh and share the funnier side of thyroid disease while raising awareness around the world. She is a published author, known for her humorous speeches on finding your dream life and blogging for fun and profit. Catherine writes about her dream life at, 8 Women Dream and several online marketing publications. She would also like to be invited to speak at TED about her observations. Catherine posts on M/W/F. Join me on Google+ rapieress@aol.com

7 Responses to Warning: Kids Don’t Do Charcoal

  1. Shan June 27, 2007 at 11:13 pm #

    Oh that is funny, but oh so true. I just said to my husband if someone could figure out what my youngest would eat I’d pay them a $1000.

  2. Lady Calliah June 28, 2007 at 1:28 am #

    lol that’d be me.. I hate burnt stuff lol

  3. Jody Woods June 28, 2007 at 3:18 am #

    Come on, you have to be a writer for some show, which one? Tell us!

  4. mrsnesbitt June 28, 2007 at 7:49 am #

    This article did make me smile…giggle even!
    On Saturday we are having my birthday BBQ, hubby is in charge of BBQ…I asked him “What are we having on the BBQ, as I need to do some shopping!” His reply…”Oh the usual crap!”
    So I guess it is no use inviting Brian! LOL!

  5. the dude June 28, 2007 at 10:27 am #

    hillarious. glad i found this one. i’ll have to check back from time to time

    The Man Blog

  6. Trace June 28, 2007 at 12:57 pm #

    Uh huh. You act like this is such a surprise! Now picture this senario x4.. Well ok x3 because Andy eats ANYTHING including stuff he SHOULD NOT be eating like sticks…. welcome to my world!!!
    Love the blog… haven’t read for awhile. I miss you.. hopefully your biggest problems are burnt chicken and black olives on pizza… Talk to you soon. xox :)

  7. Lou June 28, 2007 at 9:10 pm #

    your dog looks pretty tasty.

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