In my previous rant about what food Brian simply won’t eat (or sit near) I forgot to mention one rather large fact about children, OK, mainly Brian.
He currently don’t do charcoal.
Now, don’t get your nickers in a twist here thinking, “He hates barbecue??”. Hell no, he loves barbecue. If you could barbecue his eggs and cover them in hickory barbecue sauce he’d be in breakfast heaven. If you invented a good barbecue steak flavored milk shake he’d probably drink two in 5 minutes.
No, the charcoal I am referring to is the type that appears when you overcook food just a weeeeeeee bit.
Does this toast look burned to you? See that tiny bit of black on the left side? (Get out your magnifying glass). That qualifies as “kid-burnt icky” and ruins the other 90% of the toast. Ok, lets just be reminded that Brian doesn’t eat crusts of bread, so why do we even care if the crust resembles a used candle wick? Ummmm, because that is using logical thinking and there’s no logical thinking allowed when it comes to kids – stop using logic or you will end up with a lifetime prescription of Prozac.
If you dare burn this-
you may as well throw this grilled cheese disaster away, or eat it yourself. Kids will run from the room like this sandwich is on fire. Ever try the “scraping-with-knife-until-accidentally-cut-finger” move? Yeah well, kids won’t eat it after that major plastic surgery scrape job, even if you stand there begging with your bloody stump. The boys will be more fascinated with the blood anyway, so what were you thinking …
Dinner and a show?
God forbid, you burn the skin of the barbecue chicken. If you dare peal the skin off to save yourself from hearing the whine, “Iiiiiiiittttttttt’ssssss burned mom!” you will get the other whine, “Where’s the skin?? It’s my favorite part!” The dog will eat burned chicken skin though…
God, I love that dog. She loves everything I burn cook.
to feed any kids burned hot dogs at a birthday party? You will just find them eating the hot dog bun with catchup only (no mustard – remember mustard is a toxin) and feeding the burned hot dog to the dog, the cat, the bird – any moving creature that will take that burned thing away from them NOW. Brian will just resort to eating chips.
And please explain to me
why a child would eat almost the whole pizza and then say,
“It was just ok. It was a little burned though.”
“Only part of the end of two crusts were burned, son.”
“Yeah that’s why it was just ‘ok’.”
No wonder parents finally resort to this for kids:
And THIS for themselves:
Until next time-
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