Menopause plus a teenager equals wine
“Mom…?”
“Yes…?”
“Can you help me build a Myspace page tonight…?”
Until next time-
C
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“George invited me over to spend the night tonight. Can I go?”
“Sure. Do you need any help packing stuff?”
“No. I got it.”
A few minutes pass...
“Are they here to get you already?”
“Mom, I gotta go. Are you going to be OK?”
“Oh my God, your mother has a life you know! Go have fun!”
“OK, bye Mom. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Three hours later in the peace and quiet of our home…
I’ve opened the refrigerator 17 times … you aren’t in there.
I wanted to call you three times but thought better of it.
I found myself watching one of your programs and with a glass of wine. The wine didn’t help. By the way, who is Ichigo Kurosaki and why was he given Soul Reapers power by Rukia Kuchiki?
I walked the dog. We both pouted.
I tried to read my Dreamweaver book. I got through two sentences before I picked up one of your Bionicles.
I’ve folded all the laundry – even matched all the socks. I really hate socks.
I washed my hair brush.
I plucked my eyebrows.
I curled up in your chair with your blanket.
Really, I’m fine.
Love,
Your Mom.
But what time are you coming home?
Until next time,
C
“Happy Valentines Day son!”
“Thanks mom, same to you.”
“Think you will get Valentine’s cards from any girls today?”
“Eww… I hope not.”
“You used to love Valentines Day when you were in grade school.”
“Yeah, like I had a choice.”
(Sigh) “Why do all guys over the age of 12 dislike Valentines Day?”
“Because it’s just a goofy girl day Mom.”
“Oh, then Happy Goofy Girl Day.”
“Exactly.”
Happy Valentine’s Goofy-Girl Day everyone.
Until next time-
C
“Hi Boobello … how was school?”
“Fine.”
( long silence)
“How’s the new girl?”
“What girl?”
“The girl from the library…”
“What?”
“The girl you told me about?!”
“I didn’t tell you about any girl.”
“You didn’t tell me about a girl holding your hand?”
(silence)
“Ohhh T H AT… that was so yesterday.”
Is this where it starts with you men?
Until next time-
C
“Mom…?”
“Yes…?”
(long silence)
“Brian…?”
“Yes…?”
“Did you want something?”
“Not really.”
(followed by another long silence)
“Mom…?”
“Yes…?”
“I… there’s this girl…”
“Oh…?” (Big dry lump forming in this mother’s throat followed by lioness instinct to kill another young threatening female, followed by casual demeanor, as if nothing is wrong … except for the small twitching of right eyebrow…)
“Uh, well…”
(yet another long silence)
“We kinda held hands … in the library.”
“That’s nice dear…did you study too while you were there?” ( A mother can always hope for study motivation even if it comes in the form of a girl)
“Yeah, she turned the pages and finish all my homework. Mom…?”
(silence)
“Mom…?… you look kinda pale … are you alright?”
“Did I hear you say your homework is done?”
Until next time-
C
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“Remember to vote this week.”
“I haven’t forgotten for 29 years.”
“Yeah, but this one’s important.”
“They all are, son.”
“No … this one could mean the US could have a mom for a President. No one messes with moms.”
“Damn straight Brian.”
“Think she would give us shorter school years?”
“Would I?”
“Not in a million years.”
“Exactly.”
“OK, then you don’t have to vote for her.”
Until next time-
C
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